erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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