I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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