Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
