Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize