Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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