Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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