i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
