So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
