Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
