Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
