I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
