No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
