6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
