this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
