He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
