I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
