I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
