Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
