Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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