The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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