I think I won the penis lottery.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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