Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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