yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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