My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
