he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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