walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
