and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
