Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
