I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
