Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
