let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
