You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
