The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
