somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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