either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
