I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
