mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
