His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk is a universal language darling
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