false alarm. still invincible.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
