I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's just like the Real World with babies
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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