Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
