I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
