Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
