I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
