Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
