Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I love having hate sex.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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