boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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