The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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