bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
