I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
