He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize