I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
