I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
