You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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