my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
