Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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