Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
