I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize