I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
