he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
