apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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