You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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