Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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