I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
