i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
