Pappa wants mamma naked
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
