took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize