Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
