You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dick has a subreddit
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
